Dying to be me – Anita Moorjani

The amazing story of how one woman’s Near Death Experience helped her heal from cancer by releasing fear and unconditionally loving herself. Tamara Pitelen interview Anita Moorjani, author of Dying to Be Me.


In 2006, after a four-year fight with cancer, Anita Moorjani was in a coma and virtually dead… but instead of dying, as the doctors predicted, she woke from the coma and – miraculously – was completely free of the devastating cancer that had destroyed her body. What happened, she says, is that she visited the ‘other side’ where she received a profound understanding about why she had developed cancer. With that clarity came healing and today, seven years later, she enjoys full health and happiness. While in Dubai recently, Anita sat down with Awakenings magazine to recount the incredible story of what happened while she was ‘dead’; how that Near Death Experience saved her life, and the important message she came back to share with the rest of us. 

If I had to sum up in one word why I got cancer – that word would be ‘fear’. I was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer in 2002. By December 2005, I was in Intensive Care. I weighed 85 pounds and my muscles had deteriorated to the point where I couldn’t walk or hold up my own head. I had egg-sized tumours from the base of my skull, all around my neck, under my arms and in my chest, all the way down to my abdomen. I had fluid in the brain as well as open, weeping skin lesions.

My lungs were filled with fluid so I couldn’t breathe without an oxygen tank. I was no longer absorbing food so nutrition was by way of a tube through my throat. There was one tube in my nose for oxygen and one in my throat for food. I was in a bad way!


The doctor told my husband that I had three months to live, at best, but six weeks later I went into a coma. My family was told that these were my final hours.

But while everyone around me thought I was in a coma, I had never felt so incredible, so alive and so beautifully calm. I was aware of everything that was happening around me, I knew what the doctors were doing and I could hear conversations they were having up the corridor, I was aware of how upset my family were. I was also aware of my brother in India trying frantically to getonaflighttocomeandseemeandI could feel what everyone was feeling.

I was also aware of being supported and guided by other non-physical beings, including the spirit of my father who had died 10 years earlier.

It’s difficult to comprehend when you live in a physical body but in that realm I was aware of everything at once and everything made complete sense. Without the boundaries of my physical body, it was like I existed everywhere. I expanded; my consciousness had no bounds. I was no longer my physical body, I was no longer in pain. The cancer was all gone and it was the most incredible feeling. I felt no attachment to my limp body, I felt free, liberated and magnificent!


I then had a sense of what I can only describe as pure, unconditional love in a way I never have before. I felt renewed, like I had come home and I saw with crystal- clear clarity how all the choices I’d made in my life had led me to cancer.

From this ‘all-seeing’ perspective, I understood that the reason I got ill was through living my whole life out of fear.

Fear can be very subtle and living from a place of fear means that every small decision you make, all your choices, are made out of a fear of the consequences.

That was me. For example, I feared what people thought of me so I was a people pleaser. If I did nice things for people, it wasn’t because it brought me joy, it was because I wanted them to like me. Same with the jobs I did. I worked out of fear of not having enough money, fear of being a loser. I believed I had to pursue this, chase that, get ahead. Ironically, I was paranoid about getting cancer so I was vegan and I consumed only organic foods. I was into macrobiotics and vitamin supplements, I even grew my own wheatgrass for juicing! I was obsessive about food but not because I loved my life, my body or my health but because I feared illness, I feared getting cancer. So the big clarity for me was, ‘Oh my goodness, all I have to do is love myself, love my life and make my choices out of love not fear.’

But you can’t just say, ‘ok, I’m going to stop fearing’. Fear has to be replaced and what it must be replaced with is self-love. While in this other realm, I learned that the reason I was so fearful was that I didn’t love myself enough. The more you love yourself, the less room there is for fear.


My lack of self-love stemmed from always feeling that I didn’t fit in, I was always an outsider. I was the only Indian kid in a British school in Hong Kong. The kids in my building were Chinese, no matter where I went I felt I didn’t belong. I always tried hard to be accepted and I was bullied because I was a different race, a different culture with different values. For example, if I went to a British kid’s home, they ate with a fork and knife. If I brought that child to my home, my parents ate with their fingers and British kids were taught that picking up food with our hands was dirty; so there was always this feeling of being inferior.

With this new profound clarity of how a lack of self-love had manifested in me as cancer, I understood that the cancer was not some punishment for anything I’d done wrong, nor was it bad karma. Where I was at that point in time was a culmination
of every decision, every choice and every thought of my entire life. My many fears and my great power had manifested as this disease.

I also knew that, now that I’d understood the magnificence of my true self, that my body would heal rapidly if I chose to go back to life. I understood that my body is only a reflection of my internal state. If my inner self were aware of its magnificence and connection with All- That-Is, my body would soon reflect that and heal rapidly.


It was my father’s spirit who communicated to me that I had the choice whether to go back into my body or not.

He said, ‘Sweetheart, I want you to know that it’s not your time to come home yet. But it’s still your choice whether you want to come with me or go back into your body.’

At first, I didn’t want to come back because my body was dying and had caused so much suffering to my family and me but I also knew that my body would heal very quickly now that I understood everything. I knew too that I had a job still to do.

I heard my father say, ‘Now that you know the truth of who you really are, go back and live your life fearlessly!’

So I did and my recovery completely astounded the doctors. Just four days after coming out of the coma, my tumours had shrunk by 70 per cent and the fluid in my lungs had receded so they moved me out of ICU and into a regular room. Within five weeks I was strong enough to go home and despite a barrage of tests, the doctors couldn’t find a trace of cancer. They couldn’t explain it. The oncologist said, “I don’t even know what to write in your medical file, I don’t know what’s happening.”


Seven years later, Anita enjoys optimum health and happiness. She lives life fearlessly; doing only what brings her joy. Her life’s purpose is to spread the message she learnt during her Near Death Experience, which is the importance of living fearlessly and loving yourself.

“During my Near Death Experience, I knew I had a reason to come back. I didn’t know what it was initially but I knew I didn’t have to figure it out or chase it; it would unfold before me. I also knew it would involve reaching a lot of people but I had no idea how, what, where, or why it would happen.

“But I do have a burning drive to tell my story because it was such a revelation to me. I’d watched my cancer heal and I wanted people to know about it. So I blogged about what I’d been through on the internet and one day I got an email from a Hay House author, Wayne W. Dyer, telling me they wanted to publish my story. That’s how my book Dying To Be Me came into existence.

“I would like to have an effect on how cancer as a disease is viewed. I’d like help change the way people look at cancer and remove the fear. I don’t believe that the cure lies in medicine; scientists are only studying the symptoms and creating drugs to mask them.

“I believe that cases like mine are a disease of the mind and the soul, not the body. The physical manifestation of disease is merely a symptom of something much deeper. I would like to help people love this life and see it for the gift it is.”


To buy Anita’s book, Dying To Be Me, send an email to hariharan.v@ hayhouse.co.in and raj.lakshmi@ hayhouse.co.in. For more information on Anita, her illness and her experience, go to www.anitamoorjani.com 


Your Comments :

read awakenings online

Read the latest issue of Awakenings online right now...

related post